Patience in the Waiting…

Sorry for my absence. My time is limited as it is, and writing this blog has inspired me to continue writing on my book. I would like to say that I will be more regular… but I’d hate to lie to you all.

For those of you who do not know, I help facilitate a GriefShare group at the office where I am completing my internship for counseling. Honestly, this group has taught me so much about loss, pain and perseverance. I have become a better person and a better Christian through helping facilitate 2 cycles of this group so far. There are many excellent speakers and writers that contribute to the material. There was one quote a couple weeks ago that really stuck out to me.

You see, waiting is not only about what you will receive at the end of the wait. Waiting is about what you will become as you wait. In calling us to wait, God is rescuing us from our bondage to our own plan, our own wisdom, our own power, our own control. In calling us to wait, God is freeing us from the claustrophobic confines of our own little kingdoms of one and drawing us into a greater allegiance to his Kingdom of glory and grace. – Dr Paul Tripp

I am not a patient person. I wish I was… but I am not. I take a long time to make a decision usually, but once I do, it’s game time. I am ready to dive all in on projects or task. Sometimes this is not how it works. This is not life. Things take time. I am in the process of planning and preparing to go to Brussels Belgium to work with some friends and a church over there for 3 months. I have been wanting to do this for over a year, and there has been so much waiting in this process. I do not wait well. I start to doubt. I get scared, or discouraged. Waiting seems to be a theme in my life, and I simply don’t like it.

However, I have been much happier to deal with waiting as I have learned to not waste my waiting, but rather to wait well. Dr. Paul Tripp’s quote above reminds me about how important waiting can be, especially for my soul. See, on top of being very impatient, I am also a planner, so I always have a plan. It can change, and I literally have a dozen back up plans at any one time. But wait… see… waiting causes planning to be put on pause. You can’t plan when you do not know what is coming next. This quote above from Dr. Tripp is so true. We lock ourselves into a our plans and don’t leave room for what God had planned.  I get so wrapped up in my own little kingdom, where I am the queen and I run this, and forget all about the True Kingdom ran by my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, the King of Kings. I have seen my own plans, wisdom, power and control fail, but I still continue to put my trust in these things, rather than my Lord who has never failed me. I need constant reminds from scripture of Truth (Don’t we all?). The Psalms are full of encouragement to wait on the Lord.

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! – Psalms 27:14

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. – Psalms 130:5-6

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices – Psalms 37:7

Wait for the Lord. Psalms 40 tells us the result of waiting on the Lord.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. – Psalm 40:1

Sounds so simple… but oh the struggle. Waiting is so hard! Waiting for healing. Waiting for answers. Waiting for love. Waiting for directions. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

We must be on guard to not simply waste our waiting with grumbling and complaining, or waste it by looking forward always and missing what is around us. One expression that I always remember in times of waiting is “Bloom where you’re planted” and “Wherever you are, be all there”.

If we say we trust God, and we trust his plans for our lives, we can trust that we are not where we are by mistake. God did not let this slip through his fingers; He did not drop the ball. God is still as in control today in your waiting (or suffering) as He was when things were going exactly as you planned.

Pray truth over yourself. Encourage yourself with scripture. When you do not know how to wait any longer, just ask the Lord to make scripture like these true in your life.

But as for me, I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me. – Micah 7:7

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. – 1 Corinthians 15:58

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What happened to Fall?

Here at home we literally went from 70’s one day to just barely in the 30’s the next.

That’s awful. The fall is my favorite time of year! Everything turns pretty, pumpkins, orange/brown/yellow, candy corn, Thanksgiving, Football, need I continue. So I am officially upset about not having much of a fall and jumping straight to winter.

There is nothing wrong with winter and Christmas, but I mean come on please! Look at this picture! LOOK!

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This is fall beauty! There are two trees in my neighborhood that remind me of my hometown. That is one of them. The other is even brighter and fantastic… but I was failing epically on the editing so, maybe that picture will come soon.

Pretty much, don’t neglect fall. Justt because it tends to be shorter and the summer tries to take it over, same with winter, and that is not fair! Protect the fall!!!

[Note: I did take these pictures, but I also edited them, which means who knows how they look technically and such. I have no experience editing or anything, consider yourselves warned.]

Old Poetry for an Old Friend

Today has been quite a weird day.

Work went well, both Barista-ing and counseling. Then I had to go back to the coffee shop from which I employed to get up for the holiday launch. I have been thinking a lot about my friends in Belgium these past few days, and there was someone there that looked very similar to a dear friend in Belgium and it made me miss being there and being with my friends. Missing my friends like this always puts me into a strange, nostalgic type of mood. It’s kind of a mix of sad, lonely, longing, fear, and fondness…. but not fully anyone of those. A strange hybrid of all. That’s why is been so weird… because I can never put my finger of how I feel… just weird.

That then lead to think about other friends that I miss, and my thoughts drifted to a dear friend I spent a lot of time with in Washington DC when I lived there years ago. I then thought about this poem I had written him back then (even though I am not quite sure I ever gave it to him). Here it is.

Among the Thorns

The ghosts of your past still haunt you
And your demons won’t give you peace.
Moving forward seems impossible;
Your only thoughts dwell on relief.
Longing for something to hold onto
as your world seems to crumble,
You reach out, unsure if its safe to grasp;
Placing the last fragments of you
In something that might not be real.
As the grip begins to tighten
The light begins to glow.
You begin to accept the thought,
That there may be something more.
The hope that you lost is found,
With true love invading your soul.
As your past is counted for loss
And your demons run in fear.
His embrace has saved your life,
Leading to overflowing joy.
Passion had restored your heart
All existence now has meaning;
Praise be to him who death had no hold.

My friend had suffered a great deal from life, and sometimes it make it angry and caused him to struggle with his new found faith. This was meant to encourage him, remind him of the Gospel and foster hope. It’s like the old proverb says “The night is always darkest before the dawn”. Life is hard (see previous… and lets be honest, future, post), but there is hope.

There has to be Hope.

Clover, the Center of the Universe and Christians

Today… [This was mostly written yesterday… so just go with it.]

Oh what a day…

Work this morning was, well… mamma always said there’d be days like these. Things were broken, I was making drinks in a small pond and then then inevitable happened… I decided to meet the floor where it was and fall quickly towards it. Then things continued to be busy and everyone wanted some of our delicious coffee and just to wrap up the work day, I got propositioned by a customer, but in the most inappropriate manner possible. Why?

However, things improved greatly after work. I had the privilege to take an evening trip up to Tulsa with a dear friend and co-worker. This is one of the first times we were able to spend extended time together and it was well worth it.

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As we journeyed to the Center of the Universe (which is in Tulsa, OK – if you didn’t know – See Above) my sweet friends and I’s conversation shifted to different aspects of our faith and how we, and those close to us, have struggled with our faith. This conversation continued over dinner, at Kilkenny’s, a brilliant Irish Pub and over the most delicious coffee I have ever had to the Starbucks in Utica Square. They have a Clover machine… which if you do not know, you must not love coffee (just kidding, but its legit). It a special way of brewing coffee that uses a unique vacuum-press system that brews ground coffees one cup at a time in sweet perfection. Seriously… the best cup of coffee I have ever had. Then we journeyed on home to the sounds of Carbon Leaf and Noah Gundersen.

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Our conversation sparked a few interesting thoughts for me about the way we teach faith to children and the Truths we teach. We discussed how we want so badly for children to believe the Truths of the Bible and be rooted in the Word that sometimes over emphasize the benefits of Faith and fail to warn of the struggles and trials. The American church’s education of trails and suffering leaves sometimes to be desired and it seems that this is causing the many in the current generation to have a crisis of faith.

I spent the beginning part of my life in church, then returned in high school, but I remember being taught about the faithfulness, love, mercy and grace of God, which are all true and vital, but I don’t ever remember really being taught that suffering was a real part of a Christian’s life. Trials were for the disobedient and if I was a “good” Christian, God would take care of me and makes me successful, happy and life would be a cinch. That’s how it’s supposed to work, right? Actually, I’m pretty sure its not. Through our conversation I have compiled 3 “Hard Truths” that we need to be teaching to ourselves, our friends and our children. [Just a thought… this ended up significantly longer than I expected, so go grab yourself a cup of coffee or tea to enjoy while reading, or perhaps a blanket to cuddle up with.]

#1: Life is Hard, even if you believe in Jesus 

We twist scripture like Romans 8:28 (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. ESV) and say things like God will make things good for us or we will never struggle. If we love God, all will be good. False! That is misreading this scripture, I believe. This scripture is surrounded by scripture about suffering, and bearing with suffering, for the glory that will be revealed. Romans 8:28 directly follows a passage about the Holy Spirit’s intercession or us before the Lord, according to the Lord’s will (NOT ours… He is NOT interceding according to the will of Morgan, but rather according to the Will of God). Paul is encouraging us to take heart and have faith because DESPITE our suffering, The Lord has not forgotten us, and He will create good out of the situation. Good is defined by God alone, not our wants and desires. This is a call to suffer well, not to avoid or escape suffering – these are very different mindsets and plans of action. That brings me to my second truth

#2: As a Christian, you will suffer

I am not sure when we developed this ideology that because we have faith in Jesus Christ, life will be easy. Where is that in scripture? Maybe in the following verses (just a few of many):

Matthew 10:22  “and you will be hated by all for my name’s sake”

John 15:18-19 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.”

James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds”

1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you”

2 Timothy 3:12 “Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted,”

Wait… What? The World is going to hate us? When I meet trials? Fiery trials? Persecution? We must come to realize that this life is hard. There is sin in this world, evil and our own human desires that corrupt the world around us, and an enemy that prowls like a lion looking for any opportunity to destroy community and cease the spread of the Gospel. DON’T LET HIM. Ephesians 2 tells us we were once slaves to the enemy, but GOD – now we are free. Don’t willingly submit yourself back to the enemy (I digress, but this will be hit later on… do not fear! But for now… Look to verse like Galatians 5:1, 13; Psalms 119:45; 1 Peter 2:16). Suffering is a part of the Christian life. I do not know where we got this idea that it wasn’t. Christ suffered. All of the disciples suffered and all but one was murder for their faith. Everyday we have brothers and sisters world wide that are imprisoned, beaten, burned, abandoned and murdered for their belief in God. Suffering for your faith is real, for all Christians who are proclaiming Christ in their lives and attempting to spread the Gospel in their spheres of influence. We must be prepared for this, because we should be equipped by scripture to stand firm, stand strong and persevere.

Ephesians 6:12 “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil”

1 Corinthians 16:13 “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong”

Romans 12:12 “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer”

Colossians 1:23 “if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister”

Stand Firm! Persevere! The Lord, the Creator, is with you! Lean onto the author and perfecter of your faith.

#3: Having faith can be a struggle, but struggling with your faith doesn’t mean you don’t have it.

Being a Christian can be hard. Things will be unfair at times. Bad things and evil will happen in believers lives. It is OK to ask God “why?” It is perfectly acceptable to be unsure of scripture and ask questions that may seem “dumb” or “silly”. THIS IS HOW WE GROW AND MATURE. We have this horrific pattern within American church culture of “shaming” when people are questioning their faith, struggling with truth or are just unsure about what they believe. This must end! This is part of the Christian life by seeking the Lord and seeking Truth. How are we to determine what is true if we do not wrestle with Truth. There are numerous aspects of the Bible that are difficult to understand or deal with because they are so counter-culture and opposed to our own nature. It takes time for us to fully understand and accept all things. Faith is a process… its requires work and attention. Philippians 2:12 reminds us that we are to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”. This is not to be terrified of God, but rather to be diligent to seek out Truth because it is of vital importance. If we claim to believe the Bible, we better know what it says and believe what it says. At times this is difficult and it takes us sometime to struggle through it and determine what scripture is say and deal with how this conflicts with what we feel, what we have been taught and how we interact with our world. For those who grew up in the Church, this is a highly important time for them to stop simply believing what they have been taught their whole life, and take ownership and responsibility for their Faith. Make it there own, for lack of a better phrase. I tell this to my 8th grade girls I teach on Sunday mornings. This is their time to ask questions, seek truth and own their faith. You do not automatically have a relationship with Christ because your mother/father/brother/sister/grandma/neighbor/best friend does. Just because you come to church every Sunday/Wednesday/Thursday does not mean you are a Christian. You have a  relationship with Christ because HE chose you, and you responded and you chose to deliberately seek knowledge of Him, spend time in prayer and studying His Work, serving Him and seeking His Kingdom, not your own. Those with a true relationship with Christ decide everyday to “die to self” and chose God’s kingdom, not their own desires and will. THIS IS NOT EASY AND THE PROCESS IS HARD, but OH how it is worth it.

Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope”

John 15:10-11 “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full”

1 John 1:4 “And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete”

Psalms 63:3 “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you”

Psalms 107:9 “For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things”

Psalms 145:8-9 “The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made

Jeremiah 31:25 “For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish”

Therefore, do not be ashamed if you are struggling with your faith. You are still involved with your faith. You have not abandoned it and you are seeking Truth. James 1:5 says that if you lack wisdom to ask the Lord for more and he will give it. So ask Him to reveal himself. Ask Him to deepen your faith! Ask Him to help you understand. He will not be angry or upset with you for this. Do not be ashamed by this. 1 Peter 4:16 says “Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name”. Allow your suffering and struggles to be ultimately glorifying to the Lord. Finally, be encouraged if you are struggling to seek truth and battling with faith, that any inclination towards God is not of our own. This is from God, because Romans 3:10 states the “none is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.” If you are seeking for God, that is a God given desire. Cherish it. Endure (But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious things in the sight of God. – 1 Peter 2:20). Grow in Love and Christ!

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Wisdom and Hunting Snipes

All the toil of man is for his mouth, yet his appetite is not satisfied. (‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭6‬:‭7‬ ESV)

This scripture from one of the Wisdom books of the Bible is striking and needed.

Nothing we can work for and obtain will ever be able to satisfy us. And thinking that it can is vanity! (Is that not repeated numerous times within Ecclesiastes?! – Vanity and Striving after the Wind)

This reminds me of how we took some of my youth group kids snipe hunting once upon a time. Those of us who had previously been pranked in this manner knew the game, but newbies were excited about being the one to catch the first snipe of camp (or whatever it was we were doing).

It was beyond hilarious to watch them run in the many different directions we would point them when we “saw one” and their disappointment when they could not find it. Eventually they either gave up or figured out what we were playing at.

Oh now this resonates with what we do in our own lives. We chase these different “snipes” that claim to bring satisfaction, acclaim, success and satisfy our appetite, but we always leave feeling disappointed and wanting.

It breaks my heart to watch my friends do this over and over again. Then I remember how I myself have engaged in this cycle more times than I care to count (or possibly, could be counted). My personal struggle with striving after the wind and constantly feeling dissatisfied finally ended in the Spring of 2012 as I had an encounter with the Lord that is both humbling and astonishing beyond what words can express (I would be happy to share that story with you at a later time, but for now…).

The completion I felt, and still rest in, has been my rock, my anchor, over these last few years. Absolutely there are times where “snipes” emerge again, but as I realize my error, I am reminded of the truth, the wholeness and the satisfaction that can only be found in relationship with my Savior, the Lord and Creator of All.

Beginnings….

So, how to introduce myself to my blogging world. (I mean… I guess I did have a tumblr or whatever… Does that even count?! For the sake of my pride, let us agree it doesn’t)

Well… I am Morgan.

That is simply yet incredibly complex. To express all that I am, all that I want to be, and the differences and variations between the two would take far too long.
Even simple things such as a deep longing to be a Luddite, but being enthralled and excited about how my iPhone 5s can now track my steps! (Then that fact makes me want to be a Luddite all over again!)

However, I digress… Which will happen often. This is simply meant to be place where I can dump my ideas in a public setting. To share, to express, to convey, to dump and to rant!
This will include poetry, scripture, quotes, pictures, rants, mini-manifestos and random streams of thoughts.

Hope you enjoy.